The Stamford Public House in Altrincham

I was summoned to The Stamford Arms by a spectral whisper from a Waitrose loyalty card. The air was thick with wealth vapour, it clung to me like a velvet tax audit. Posh, bored housewives hovered in orbit, fake tanned talons grazing my aura like a psychic exfoliation. They wanted the rough stuff, I could smell it between the Chanel and regret. The beer tasted like I'd been slapped by a golden cheque from Dale Winton himself during a Supermarket Sweep finale... fizzy, fabulous, and entirely uncalled for. I sat outside with Joey the Gnome Nugget (he’s only visible on Fridays), and the scent of Range Rovers and crypto dividends made me piss myself with delight. Or fear. A place where gin flows like ancestral guilt, and the ghosts of rich Labradors bark softly in your dreams. Stole the pint glass from the pic.

Had lunch here yesterday with a friend The inside was incredibly dark we had to find a window seat The restaurant wasn’t open at lunchtimes The menu included items with skin on fries and the fish and chips said proper chips I presumed that these were skinless fries, but they weren’t It’s admirable that the potatoes come from a local farm and are not frozen , but the description is misleading Not a particularly pleasant lunch I will avoid in future

Came for the second time. Beyond busy! Giant crowds of people outside in the sun. Toooo busy to get served. Waited years for food and drinks but can't complain. They were out of vegan curry but had vegan burger. Chocolate torte. Liquorice tea. Nice dogs in pub. We got there and were seated for food at 7:25 p.m. Waited 35 minutes. They stop serving food at 8:00 p.m. But the nice lady with accent and young man with hair flick did their very best and scored us some food, late. Thank you.

Great local pub. Staff are friendly, the food is fantastic and the beer selection is awesome. We've been for both Sunday roast and the normal menu (as someone who grew up on the coast, it's hard to find decent fish and chips but the Stamford delivered!) Highly recommend!

We arrived, no one to seat us 2 people walked passed made eye contact and said nothing: Went to the bar to ask if we can be seated to our table and was met with “I don’t know where you’re sitting” followed by an awkward laugh. Sat us down no menu’s etc. Blonde lady came over (manage or a senior member of staff) was accommodating and moved us to the restaurant. When she took our order, we asked if the meat comes pink on the roast beef, she said “yes, however you like it cooked we can do it” Partner asked if there’s a veggie option as the menu at the table does not reflect the one on the website. She said yes the kitchen can do you a veggie tofu roast. We asked does it come with all the trimmings like the other roasts. “Yes, it comes with all the trimmings mate” Food arrived. Unseasoned bland Beef was well done over cooked. No roast potatoes Veggie option was a vegan one so had one parsnip and a bit of cabbage no seasoning, no flavour. Not once were we told it’s a vegan option. Blonde lady came back with potatoes no apology, potatoes which had looked like they have been cooked by the heat of a lamp soaked in oil. I mentioned the issue with the beef. Was told; “I found out last week, that’s how’s it’s cooked as it’s cooked the day before it so comes like that” so I mentioned if you said that from the start I would have ordered something else, but you said I could have it how you like. “Sorry about that mate” that was it. No discount off the meal nothing. Not very apologetic. Avoid!!